“Let’s do something different,” he said.
“Different like what?” I asked.
“You know, in bed.”
I turned to him and he had that glint in his eye.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked.
The last time we tried something different a bunch of teenagers caught us in flagrante having sex in the park near our house. It was highly embarrassing, to say the least especially since we both are respected college professors. Naturally, I was leery this time.
“Well, nothing too crazy,” he started.
“Oh, will it at least be in the house this time?” I asked.
“That’s not fair,” he protested. “I didn’t know those kids were having a party in the park that night!”
“We were lucky they weren’t our students,” I reminded him.
He sighed, “I know.”
He blushed. “No hammock.”
He had a bright idea that sex in a hammock would be fun. He bought a big hammock and strung it up between two trees in our backyard. I asked him if he had strung it tight enough and he said he had. We climbed in and started fooling around and just when we got to stroking really good, a couple of strings popped and we both fell on our butts.
Well, actually, he fell on his butt and I fell on top of him. He strained his back and was out of commission for nearly a month.
Then there was the “motion lotion” that was supposed to stimulate my lady parts and make my orgasm more intense. Neither of us knew I was allergic to the stuff and instead of stimulating me, it burned like holy hell and we couldn’t make love for a few days till my coochie cooled off.
So yes, I was a bit wary when my darling man spoke of “something different.” We hadn’t had much good luck with “something different.”
But I loved my brave Lothario and I was willing to try things with him. He was clearly the most amazing man I had ever met and he was clever and funny and gorgeous. He had dark brown hair and beautiful dark eyes that looked like brown velvet. His eyelashes were long and thick and just what most women would have paid a king’s ransom for.